Monday, February 14, 2005
Bottled up
It’s so mysterious how a person, any one in this world for that matter, can have such a humongous effect on you…YOU---A person who happens to be immensely introspective, mindful of your actions and how the new people who surround you may perceive it, and extremely prudent when it comes to revealing your emotions.
Your personal sincerity issues are already weighty, but what about having to deal with the issue that you’re not the only one who’s been captivated by this spell?
You offer your friendship <-- --> he offers his
You treat him like you do the rest <-- --> he works on your sense of humor and gets you laughing
You treat him like you do the rest <-- --> he checks up on you more than your best friend does
You take a hint, but aren’t one to assume <-- --> he starts going over during specific hours
You’re now really close…
You open up <-- --> he opens up
You start to feel ß à your other friends start to feel too
You’re baffled…
You brush it off.
You start to tease him to others <-- --> he doesn’t deny
You get closer.
You call each other brother and sister…
Others take notice.
You shut their mutterings down.
You re-assure yourself of the so called non-existent love bug.
You’re suddenly very careful
You smile and greet others more <-- --> he’s touchy with other girls
You treat him differently around other people <-- --> he’s indifferent towards you with people
Confusion hits…still life goes on. Magnets are inseparable aren’t they?
It just gets harder to stay true with peering eyes around (maybe for you, maybe for you both)
You’ve probably turned out to be a snob <-- --> he probably feels that you are
You want to break the silence, but…
Please see: def. of YOU
Since this is so:
You’ll never know if…ßà he’ll never know that…
So irrational, so senseless.
A bit wounded…
Just a bottle waiting to explode.
It’s so mysterious how a person, any one in this world for that matter, can have such a humongous effect on you…YOU---A person who happens to be immensely introspective, mindful of your actions and how the new people who surround you may perceive it, and extremely prudent when it comes to revealing your emotions.
Your personal sincerity issues are already weighty, but what about having to deal with the issue that you’re not the only one who’s been captivated by this spell?
You offer your friendship <-- --> he offers his
You treat him like you do the rest <-- --> he works on your sense of humor and gets you laughing
You treat him like you do the rest <-- --> he checks up on you more than your best friend does
You take a hint, but aren’t one to assume <-- --> he starts going over during specific hours
You’re now really close…
You open up <-- --> he opens up
You start to feel ß à your other friends start to feel too
You’re baffled…
You brush it off.
You start to tease him to others <-- --> he doesn’t deny
You get closer.
You call each other brother and sister…
Others take notice.
You shut their mutterings down.
You re-assure yourself of the so called non-existent love bug.
You’re suddenly very careful
You smile and greet others more <-- --> he’s touchy with other girls
You treat him differently around other people <-- --> he’s indifferent towards you with people
Confusion hits…still life goes on. Magnets are inseparable aren’t they?
It just gets harder to stay true with peering eyes around (maybe for you, maybe for you both)
You’ve probably turned out to be a snob <-- --> he probably feels that you are
You want to break the silence, but…
Please see: def. of YOU
Since this is so:
You’ll never know if…ßà he’ll never know that…
So irrational, so senseless.
A bit wounded…
Just a bottle waiting to explode.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
it's days like these i never prepared myself for...living in a world ran by intricately designed imaginations how could i have missed it? that tiny speck called reality where i truly exist in? i set my eyes straight to high above the heavens...i was blind. i would rather be blind than enlightened. could i take the sweet sorrow of not knowing? of being less expected of? i don't want to feel the burden. i don't want freedom. i don't want passion rocketing in space. i don't want to be hovered. i don't want to have a rush of all sorts of highs in this basket of fresh and spoilt, cold and warm, sweet and sour... i'm not ready to be burdened by the love shared by many. |
;)
Thursday, January 22, 2004
I'm getting an S for dilligence! hey, my first S in conduct for years!!! damn it! what the hell do you teachers think you're doing? i do not deserve it! if there's one thing i put a lot of effort into, it was my homeworks, papers, I.W.'s, projects, etc. i don't care if i failed my tests or quizzes, i just don't like it if they took my hard work for sh@#! who gave all her time for group projects? who has not slept at all for projects? ahh!!!! it's not just. it's not right.
Today was pretty okay even though i know i failed my physics test. it makes me wonder now how i'm going to make it into college. will i slack off like this?
hmm...miss jenny shared about her life today...pretty sad...i really didn't know till today...and i'm pretty self-righteous pa naman...but it really isn't my problem to worry about and God has already forgiven her anyway...poor miss leynes. God, give me a miracle...change me into a daughter deserving of you and then you can take me. ;)
Today was pretty okay even though i know i failed my physics test. it makes me wonder now how i'm going to make it into college. will i slack off like this?
hmm...miss jenny shared about her life today...pretty sad...i really didn't know till today...and i'm pretty self-righteous pa naman...but it really isn't my problem to worry about and God has already forgiven her anyway...poor miss leynes. God, give me a miracle...change me into a daughter deserving of you and then you can take me. ;)
Monday, January 05, 2004
Trigonometry...Why miss Jenny, why?
My life you will be placing a dent on if you fail me in your class. i worked so hard...if you only try and see. i didn't fail completely. i actually got a VG in one of my session tests, which is already a breakthrough for me so, please? will you just yield a little? will you just consider? it's not as though you'd be breaking any rules because we have a personalized education system. i'm sure you understand that. you were a povedan too!
i studied so hard for your tests, but you've got to understand that i'm no genius! please don't fail me, please? i looked like crap that day during your exam...it's all good. i dodn't care. i still don't care. i'd look like hell a million times over just to pass. how can you give me a grade i've never received? how is that mercy? how is that Christian?
i went to your remedial classes, but i didn't continue because it wasn't helping. i'm not the only one who couldn't be helped during those classes. God, i leave you in charge!!!! you are forever my savior and my refuge...i love you no matter what!;)
My life you will be placing a dent on if you fail me in your class. i worked so hard...if you only try and see. i didn't fail completely. i actually got a VG in one of my session tests, which is already a breakthrough for me so, please? will you just yield a little? will you just consider? it's not as though you'd be breaking any rules because we have a personalized education system. i'm sure you understand that. you were a povedan too!
i studied so hard for your tests, but you've got to understand that i'm no genius! please don't fail me, please? i looked like crap that day during your exam...it's all good. i dodn't care. i still don't care. i'd look like hell a million times over just to pass. how can you give me a grade i've never received? how is that mercy? how is that Christian?
i went to your remedial classes, but i didn't continue because it wasn't helping. i'm not the only one who couldn't be helped during those classes. God, i leave you in charge!!!! you are forever my savior and my refuge...i love you no matter what!;)
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
FELIZ NAVIDAD
The countdown is almost over! Just two days left and Christmas will be felt all around the Philippines and the rest of south-east asia...sigh* I really can't wait to go to Baguio! I still have Tara's debut to go to which is going down tonight...I do hope i have fun. I know I will somehow, but those exclusively formal debuts really bore me! Like, hello, stop being so hostile! No fun at all!
I'm enjoying with the Polly-Aly groups...it really rocks fixing it and adding stuff to it!!! Okay, i was supposed to make this longer, though i find it a complete waste of time to do two vital things at the same time...see ya!;)
The countdown is almost over! Just two days left and Christmas will be felt all around the Philippines and the rest of south-east asia...sigh* I really can't wait to go to Baguio! I still have Tara's debut to go to which is going down tonight...I do hope i have fun. I know I will somehow, but those exclusively formal debuts really bore me! Like, hello, stop being so hostile! No fun at all!
I'm enjoying with the Polly-Aly groups...it really rocks fixing it and adding stuff to it!!! Okay, i was supposed to make this longer, though i find it a complete waste of time to do two vital things at the same time...see ya!;)
Monday, December 22, 2003
CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY- now isn't he a hottie? my cousins think that i find every single guy cute...can't help it if almost all the movies i watch have a single babe of a character. however, i don't find every single guy cute. the sad thing is that i'm pretty superficial and i have very high standards...not a good quality at all. what's going to happen to me a decade from now? who knows...thank God i'm fine with living a single life. i mean, i don't really think i'll marry...why? because no one will aske me to and i know it. hmm...has anyone ever been interested in me? nope! too bad...i live in the philippines; it's where men want a submissive girl friend...i do not want to slave after a guy!!! filipino guys do not have a thing for me at all and i'm glad i don't have a thing for them at all either...uh oh! colonial mentality? nah! just facing the facts here. i actually don't understand my mother... she says she's not ready for this society, where women are on top of a lot of things, because she's not a femenist. well hello? you think i am? i'm simply standing up for my rights. i believe that men are better at some things and women are better at the rest they can't handle...that's why we compliment each other...who's the one over powering the household, mother? it certainly isn't dad and that's where i get my dominant trait.
lemme see, there's Christian Coulson, Charlie Simpson, Colin Farrell, Orlando Bloom, Ryan Philippe, Sam Rockwell, Desmond Harrington, Ashton Kutcher, Brandon Boyd, Tyler Ritter, James Marsden, James Marsters, Justin Timberlake, Rob Bourdon, Luke Wilson, Christian Camargo, Paul Walker, Jason Williams, Tony Parker, Jay Chou, Benjamin Bratt, Stephen Dorf, Jude Law, Ethan Hawke, Sean Biggerstaff...i don't want to think further...there's still so many. this only makes up a fourth of all my crushes...notice anything? they're all way up there!
There's obviously something wrong with me!!! i live in a fantasy world...heck, i'd gladly trade my life to step into neville longbottom's shoes. at least he gets to do magic! though, i' like it better if i was a girl...i'd get to go out with hot prefects!
lemme see, there's Christian Coulson, Charlie Simpson, Colin Farrell, Orlando Bloom, Ryan Philippe, Sam Rockwell, Desmond Harrington, Ashton Kutcher, Brandon Boyd, Tyler Ritter, James Marsden, James Marsters, Justin Timberlake, Rob Bourdon, Luke Wilson, Christian Camargo, Paul Walker, Jason Williams, Tony Parker, Jay Chou, Benjamin Bratt, Stephen Dorf, Jude Law, Ethan Hawke, Sean Biggerstaff...i don't want to think further...there's still so many. this only makes up a fourth of all my crushes...notice anything? they're all way up there!
There's obviously something wrong with me!!! i live in a fantasy world...heck, i'd gladly trade my life to step into neville longbottom's shoes. at least he gets to do magic! though, i' like it better if i was a girl...i'd get to go out with hot prefects!
Sunday, December 21, 2003
21---
4 days till christmas and i'm really feeling guilty that i haven't completely finished all my requirements. i have the stupid talaban religious video to think about, the biblio, the community service...i tried to make it up to everyone here at home, but it realy isen't all that worth it. we just hang around the house...sure, we went to highlands, but we barely did anything there! they wouldn't have missed me anyway even if they always say that they miss me when i'm doing something else, when i'm not with them. oh...christmas. yes, i'm real excited i'm going to baguio. that's the ultimate mind escape. when i'm there i forget everything. i love everything about staying the way i am and being with these people, but how the heck am i supposed to grow? what will happen when they all leave me? they say i'm so serious, ha!!!! i've totally been slacking off. i'm to blame for it, but a quarter of a percent i credit to them because they haven't been supportive at all. i am a confused soul and i admit it. kids my age and even younger may think they're so cool when they tell off that their lives are complicated, you think i am now that i'm sharing it to the rest of the world? right, no one even knows about this...lol...why do i have a bitch for a sister? she thinks she's so made! she has to announce everything bad a bout me...she needs to be up on a pedestal all the time...so my weaknesses are always under the spotlight...if i do that to her, she'll kill me. i hate being younger. i never do that to her. i don't tell her off to others...my mom never tells her off to others. me? ha! that's why i can barely strike up a conversation with others... who knows what my mother feeds them about me. she never utters a word of praise about me. never!!!! how many times have i heard her say such amazing things about my sister? i don't know!!! even i am totally flabbergasted!tears rollong down from my eyes...barely! why is she so mean to me? bitch of a sister...that's why my cousins, even younger than i am, think it's okay to mess around with me as though they're older, like they have no respect! jump rope? why the hell are you so shallow? i have no one because i'm rarely ever at oneplace in mind, body and soul. i'm twisted! i classify under all four temperaments. i've changed from this to that...because i knew i was a dissapointment. i changed! why are you still not happy? of all people i thought you would fathom...i thought you could...God being all perfect, i'm not! we're all not. you can't expect me to turn up with better grades and then lounge around wasting time bonding with all of you. sacrifices have to be made. there will always be an oportunity cost.
i need to take my mind off it...damn mother can't even get me a dress when she practically has one made for herself every month...she even has back-up dresses for weddings or parties just in case she might not look good at it! freak you hypocrite! i do not like you so much right now...but it will pass because i have to forgive. i just always have to...my memory is just too damn good at remembering things...not like i willed it to remember...i think i'm just the memory girl...if you've read the giver, you would know the perfect career i would fit in...you guessed it! the giver himself!
I want to go shopping! i need to buy clothes! when was the last time i even bought any? like my mom even bothers to remember about her youngest offspring...mistake me! an interference to her future fulfilling career...supernumer! yeah, i don't even know how to spell it. heh...i've been so angry lately! i don't know why...nah! i'm only motivated to write when i'm extremely down or up!!! i'm not all that screwed! c'est la vie! i hate that cliche!
4 days till christmas and i'm really feeling guilty that i haven't completely finished all my requirements. i have the stupid talaban religious video to think about, the biblio, the community service...i tried to make it up to everyone here at home, but it realy isen't all that worth it. we just hang around the house...sure, we went to highlands, but we barely did anything there! they wouldn't have missed me anyway even if they always say that they miss me when i'm doing something else, when i'm not with them. oh...christmas. yes, i'm real excited i'm going to baguio. that's the ultimate mind escape. when i'm there i forget everything. i love everything about staying the way i am and being with these people, but how the heck am i supposed to grow? what will happen when they all leave me? they say i'm so serious, ha!!!! i've totally been slacking off. i'm to blame for it, but a quarter of a percent i credit to them because they haven't been supportive at all. i am a confused soul and i admit it. kids my age and even younger may think they're so cool when they tell off that their lives are complicated, you think i am now that i'm sharing it to the rest of the world? right, no one even knows about this...lol...why do i have a bitch for a sister? she thinks she's so made! she has to announce everything bad a bout me...she needs to be up on a pedestal all the time...so my weaknesses are always under the spotlight...if i do that to her, she'll kill me. i hate being younger. i never do that to her. i don't tell her off to others...my mom never tells her off to others. me? ha! that's why i can barely strike up a conversation with others... who knows what my mother feeds them about me. she never utters a word of praise about me. never!!!! how many times have i heard her say such amazing things about my sister? i don't know!!! even i am totally flabbergasted!tears rollong down from my eyes...barely! why is she so mean to me? bitch of a sister...that's why my cousins, even younger than i am, think it's okay to mess around with me as though they're older, like they have no respect! jump rope? why the hell are you so shallow? i have no one because i'm rarely ever at oneplace in mind, body and soul. i'm twisted! i classify under all four temperaments. i've changed from this to that...because i knew i was a dissapointment. i changed! why are you still not happy? of all people i thought you would fathom...i thought you could...God being all perfect, i'm not! we're all not. you can't expect me to turn up with better grades and then lounge around wasting time bonding with all of you. sacrifices have to be made. there will always be an oportunity cost.
i need to take my mind off it...damn mother can't even get me a dress when she practically has one made for herself every month...she even has back-up dresses for weddings or parties just in case she might not look good at it! freak you hypocrite! i do not like you so much right now...but it will pass because i have to forgive. i just always have to...my memory is just too damn good at remembering things...not like i willed it to remember...i think i'm just the memory girl...if you've read the giver, you would know the perfect career i would fit in...you guessed it! the giver himself!
I want to go shopping! i need to buy clothes! when was the last time i even bought any? like my mom even bothers to remember about her youngest offspring...mistake me! an interference to her future fulfilling career...supernumer! yeah, i don't even know how to spell it. heh...i've been so angry lately! i don't know why...nah! i'm only motivated to write when i'm extremely down or up!!! i'm not all that screwed! c'est la vie! i hate that cliche!
